Yesterday was Independence Day, and we had our annual food n' games extravaganza at my church to celebrate.  We play some volleyball, there is a blow-up bouncy thing for the kids, we eat hamburgers and hotdogs and homemade ice cream, and have sack and three-legged races.  But one of the highlights for me, I daresay the pinacle of the entire afternoon, is the annual Mt. Olive Egg Toss Championship. 

If you've never participated in an egg toss, you've never truly lived.  The thrill of competition, the tension of the throw, the hilarity of seeing someone literally get egg on their face... it's all just too much sometimes for the typical Baptist to handle.  

Anyway, the way it works, of course, is that two partners start off a few feet from each other.  Everyone is lined up so that all the partners with the raw eggs are on one side facing the partners who will receive the throws.  On a call from the "judge", everyone with eggs tosses them to their partner.  Partners then have to catch them, and anyone whose egg breaks is out of the competition.  The partners with still in-tact eggs then take another step back and repeat the whole process until only one partnership is left.

I and my partner, a youth named Kolton, were the reigning champions of the famed egg toss, and were defending our crown against all comers.  As we began, the field was quickly wittled down to the true competitiors.  One partnership that remained were John and his wife Cindy.  Well, I guess they're still married today, because John's decision to launch at his wife an already-wounded egg, leaking its guts from a small crack in its shell, led to some marital discord that lasted for the rest of the evening.  Of course, when she revealed that she could actually see some of the egg innards leaking out while still in flight but made the decision to catch the exploding egg anyway instead of letting it fall harmlessly to the ground, I figured her track record of poor decisions was pretty solid and that John was safe.

Anyway, the competition all came down to Kolton and I against his bother Kanon and his partner, Jason.  Now, I think I should point out that Jason and Kanon had dropped their egg twice, but that both times it had survived intact, so they were still able to continue.  While we didn't have any official measurement of distance, I would also estimate that the partners were around 25 to 30 yards apart.  Kolton and Jason had the eggs, and Jason threw first.  Kanon initially ran forward, then realized that the throw was going long and quickly retreated, raising his hand to make the catch.  The previously-weakened egg struck with great force against the heel of his hand, shattering and splattering his face and upper body with gooey egg-junk.  

The competition was then down to one throw, and we could retain our crown with one more completed pitch-and-catch.  Kolton made the throw, but it was short; and while I caught the calcified projectile, I had little chance to cushion its fall and it was likewise obliterated in my grasp, bleeding its yellow yolk all over my hand.  

Needing to find resolution to this epic struggle, both partnerships were then allowed to choose another egg and continue.  Both Kanon and I made good throws and Kolton and Jason successfully made the catches.  And there again we found ourselves, Kanon and I, egg-stained and weary, anxiously awaiting the throws of our partners.  Jason again threw first, and again the momentum of the descent proved to be too much for the structural intgegrity of the fragile shell, as Kanon murdered another poor egg.

Kolton then launched our egg, and it was a beautiful throw.  No, it was a glorious throw.  High and lazy it flew, white and lovely against the swaying canopy of brilliant green leaves in the grove.  Then down it came, nestled comfortably in the warm embrace of my awaiting hands.  We had won!  And the poor egg was safe for another day (or at least until breakfast tomorrow anyway). 

Being a 3-time egg-toss "cham-peen", I thought I would pass on the "keys to the kingdom" to my loyal readership who may wish to follow in my illustrious footsteps.  So here are my top 5 egg-tossing tips:

1) Take the time to select a "good egg".  Accept no egg with any cracks, and remember that smaller ones are stronger than larger ones.

2) Remove all rings and other jewelry from your hands and wrists.  You don't need any hard substance in or around your hands that could crack the egg or impede your ability to throw or catch.

3) Keep your eye on the egg!

4) Throw high!  Put lots of arc on the egg so that your partner has time to get in proper position and will be catching it in a downward motion.  Stopping a line drive will rupture the egg even if cleanly caught.   

5) Catch the egg "pulling away" from it, so as to cushion its landing and better diffuse its kinetic energy.  This is best done your dominant side, rather than in front of you (plus, if the egg does burst, it's a lot less messy for you on the side rather than in front of you... especially in front of your face!)

Happy egg-tossing!